Those Phrases shared by A Dad Which Saved Me during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who often hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."